Saturday, November 12, 2005

Get Out of My House, In Jesus' Name I Pray!

I found this in my random internet searching today.

On a completely unrelated note:

Twelve percent of Americans believe in environmentally-driven evolution.

Massachusetts has the lowest divorce rate in the nation. Other than Nevada, the Bible Belt has the highest divorce rate in the nation. It must have to do with all them homersexuals now destroying the sanctity of divorce while they're at it.

Vermont, Connecticut, and Massachusetts are the top 3 "smartest" states. The smartest southern state is Virginia (#7). The smartest deep southern states are Texas (#24), Florida (#36), and Arkansas (#37).

John C. Branner discovered bauxite in Arkansas in 1887.

The South has the highest murder rate in the nation. In 2004, the murder rates in MA, VT, CT, ME, NH, RI, NY, NJ, and PA were all lower than the national average.

In this article I learned that (A) white babies vote for Bush and (B) the reasons blacks vote for democrats are obvious.

Oh, in case anyone forgot....

Friday, November 11, 2005

Fucking Old People

Once you reach the age of 55 you should have to take a full-scale driving test like when you were 16. Then every year, you should have an eye test. At 60, 65, 70, again mandatory driving tests. Once you're 75 you should have to take a driving test every year or every other year just to show that you still have reaction time and aren't a moron. Then we could cut down on the number of these accidents.
I submit for approval that toll booth operator's job for "Worst Day at Work Ever".

Domestic Terrorist

"Bush has destroyed the American economy, and he's going to make that a launching pad for...religious extremism all over the continent.
You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting another election. And I don't think any oil shipments will stop. But this man is a terrific danger and the United ... This is in our sphere of influence, so we can't let this happen. We have the Monroe Doctrine, we have other doctrines that we have announced. And without question, this is a dangerous enemy within our own borders, controlling a huge storage of nukes, that could hurt us very badly. We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion election to get rid of one, you know, right-wing idealogue. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." (liberty taken....)

If this were printed in the Washington Post, the speaker would be dead within minutes...probably even before the paper came out. Instead, the government just tried to distance itself from this call for a coup (amongst other things). I thought there were laws against foreigners meddling in the everyday affairs of other countries.....Could be just for diplomats. Dunno, *shrug*.

You'd also think the speaker's outlet for such speech would be taken away or at least censored. Or that he would shirk in the shadows for the time being. Fear not America, Pat Robertson is at it again. This is in the same vein as people saying New Orleans deserved Katrina. Not to mention previous comments about the World Trade Center attack.

First of all, this is in the "science" section of I guess they put it there because they don't have a "moron" section. Secondly, i can't wait until all of his skeletons are ripped from his closet. He's probably down blow with W in the 70s. Him and Jerry Falwell ride hookers around their living room every thursday night (2-for-1 special). A la Bert and Ernie, Robertson and Gary Bauer live together outside of Washington to "save on the rent". Thirdly, there is just so much wrong with this whole ID debacle than just replacing a school board.

I think Colbert says it best when he says stuff like, "If i want to believe that a giant spaghetti monster created us all in our current forms, who are you and your 'facts' to tell me I am wrong? This is America, i'm allowed to think what i want."

I found a bio about Marion, I mean Pat, Robertson. He majored in history at Washington and Lee and joined SAE fraternity. But looks down upon the debauchery of American life. He got his JD from Yale (*cries a little inside*), but failed the bar, so he decided to get his MDiv. If you don't succeed.....

Ugh, i'm just pissed off. I'm just waiting for the 2nd American civil war......

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

What do Chinese people call today?

So after 4 years of undergrad and not succumbing to it, i officially have become a gamer. Sad, but true. I guess it's that whole no homework and lack of motivation and the general malaise that blankets all things graduate school like the chlorine gas cloud that asphyxiated your dumb aunt when she mixed ammonia and bleach while cleaning the bathroom. (Not exactly sure where that came from). Civ4 will be the death of me. I'm already starting my 3rd game...and it came out not even 2 weeks ago. I'll start playing at like 9P and then all of a sudden it'll be 130A! I keep hoping i've discovered time travel in order to make the pain a little less deep ("I did over a thousand. Oooh, deep burn...") I would have made a link to anchorman just there-- i'm typing this up on the linux computer so the interface is different....for some reason. Tonight might be our first labwide, online Civ4 game, but it'd be during Commander In Chief, which is a very close second to Survivor. Jesus....i'm a tool.

I didn't sleep so well 2 nights ago, so i got a large, triple, shot soy mocha--i didn't call it 'venti' because i didn't want to sound pretentious--in order to wake up. About a half hour after i drank it, i felt wasted and sick for the entire rest of the day. Apparently after 25 years, i still like to walk the fine line between chemically waking myself up and my body's recurring rejection to caffeine. I live on the edge...what can i say. (Nothing says risk like being in school for 20 years.)

Lost another $44 at bingo this past wknd. More and more people are getting sucked into our bingo vortex. Davemaurer is the newest convert. We got glared at a la Troy bingo because we were having too much fun. God forbid we were the only people in there younger than 30 AND not morbidly obese. I was the closest to having won since our bingo excursions began. Using my knowledge of statistics that means i'm due. Danrunt, who was sporting an ever-fashionable bingo-related shirt, and i were trying to strategerize how to do better at bingo. We're gonna have to go on a weekday...the prizes may be less, but there are (hopefully) fewer people and we need a moral victory at this point.

"Today was not our day. There will be more numbers to dab, more cards to mark, more prizes to be won....." (DR shoutout)


PS: Erection Day

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Praise our Intelligent Designer

While carrying a coffee cup across the hall in a talon-like fashion, i came to the realization that that would have been impossible without opposable thumbs. Let's all take a moment out of our busy schedules today and reflect on quite possibly our greatest phalange, the thumb.