Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Summer is a Little More Fabulous Now....

This belongs in the "You Don't Say..." file. It's just more proof that being gay comes from your environment. I mean, the kid was in a boy band, danced around in costumes (many, nightly), frosted his hair, etc. Hopefully Focus on the Family will be on top (pun intended) of this new tactic of the Homosexual Army.

Speaking of gay armies....Good thing they got rid of him. Can't have gays "doing" instead of just "asking" and "telling". On a side note, in the article it seems as if there was a lot of asking and not so much telling. My favorite part is this:

On Dec. 2, investigators formally interviewed Copas and asked if he understood the military’s policy on homosexuals, if he had any close acquaintances who were gay, and if he was involved in community theater (emphasis added). He answered affirmatively.

You can't let your stereotype die anywhere, not even the army. Plus, if 'Merca has an arabic-speaking sodomite of a soldier, the terrorists win.

For a country so hellbent on irony, people sure don't get sarcasm or parody. You'd think they'd realize fake news from real news. But then again, considering the present, and the fact that one of the headlines on today is about Britney Spears being a whitetrash wife. Shocker. Apparently that's as important as the middle east exploding.

I'm about halfway through my new book, "Absurdistan" by Gary Shteyngart. It's pretty funny, although it seems as if the author is a little too self-referential. One of his characters is a Russian author/professor in NYC named "Jerry Shteynfarb" whose acclaimed book "The Russian Arriviste's Hand Job". Shteyngart's acclaimed first book is "The Russian Debutante's Handbook". It's starting to get on my nerves, but other than that, definitely recommended.

The only reason he tested positive for higher testosterone levels is that the test's baseline is Lance Armstrong. (Think about it...)

I think i've offended enough for one day.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Another "overheard" entry....

These come courtesy of Overheard at the Beach:

The Readers of Knocked-Up Snatch Say Otherwise

Beach-goer: Belly rings and stretch marks really don't go together.

--Redondo Beach, California

(My turn. EDIT: I didn't know Britney Spears lived in Rodondo.)

He Became a Dwarf Just So He Could Say That

Dwarf, to drunk chick at bar: So have you ever had a dwarf go up on you?

--Manistee, Michigan

(EDIT: This guy's got more game than Monopoly Junior.)

But the Hermaphrodites I'll Leave Alone

Girl, to younger boy: You're going to be a real lady killer when you're older.
Younger Boy: I'll kill men, too. I don't care.

--Ocean City, Maryland

(EDIT: Johnny never did pay attention to specifics.)

Ignorance Makes Me Harder Than Chinese Algebra

Freshman bikini girl #1: College classes are much more lame than I thought they would be.
Freshman bikini girl #2: Yeah, I mean who cares about, like, the difference between Chinese and Japanese?
Freshman bikini girl #1: Yeah! Or algebra! Like anyone even cares!
Freshman bikini girl #2: Do you have more baby oil?

--Cocoa Beach, Florida

(EDIT: They all look alike anyways.)

It's a Special Frequency That Only Bitches Can Hear

Black thug: Look at the tits and ass on that one.
White girl, to friend: I think he thinks 'cause he's speaking gangsta I can't hear him.

--Hamilton Beach, Ontario, Canada

(EDIT: "Oh stewardess! I speak jive.")

And a bonus from OatOffice:

We Call Them 'Rotational Assignments' and You Would Get a Special Chair

Interviewer #1: You have had many jobs at that same company. Can you describe your work environment?
Forty-six-year-old proper woman: My company liked to move us around a lot so we got experience in different departments.
Interviewer #1: Was this a standard practice?
Woman: Oh, yes. They did that for everyone working at the restaurant's HQ. Every six months we would move from department to department. We liked to call it "tossing the salad."
Interviewer #1: Excuse me?
Interviewer #2: [Spits out his water.]
Interviewers #3,4, and 5: [Look away and laugh uncontrollably]
Woman: I got my salad tossed every six months, but in the past year moved it up to every three months. It's all part of the manager training program.
Interviewer #6: Did you like getting your salad tossed?
Woman: Yes, I did.
Interviewer #6: It must take some getting used to. We have never tossed salads here, but that is not to say we won't someday.
Woman: I would highly recommend it.

Church Street
Orlando, Florida
(EDIT: I think i know just the position for you....)

That website is fantastic. I was invited to an Overheard party at some bar in Manhattan tonight because i've been submitting headlines for their contests. Hopefully one day i'll hit the big time. When the school year starts up, i should do an Overheard at Yale to show just what goes on in this renowned institution of higher learning.

Other than that, nothing exciting going on. Starting to work on learning Russian again. Hopefully i'll get to take a class on it this coming school year in preparation for my (hopefully) December '07 graduation. Pretty much SSDD.